Routines

I've probably always had some routine in my life, but never to the extent that I have it now. I actually liked a little variety when I was younger, but now I like the comfort of sameness. As I age I've decided the ritual-ness of my routines has dual purpose. One is that the prescribed order of an activity leads to repetition and repetition leads to retention; two is that my body can no longer be seen in public without the regiment of care. I'd say I have a "beautification process" but even though I may be after beauty, it is such an illusion, that I am now settling for pleasant presentation. And damn if that doesn't take a rigorous routine.

I just wish that I could get up in the morning 20 minutes before I have to be somewhere; sort of that shit, shower, shave routine that the guys have. Oh no, mine is much more prescribed:
*get coffee - and the kicker is it doesn't have to be caffeine, just brown, hot liquid
*eat fruit...always fruit first it's the easiest to digest
*carbs and protein next - nary the three shall mix
*shower - wash the hair - add the conditioner- leave it in to moisturize while you wash the body because color treated hair dries and fries more easily
*pat yourself dry to leave the moisture in because it is all about moisture
*in the winter add oil to capture that moisture, in the summer put on tanning solution, a tan body - fake or real - is a healthy young body or so it has been ingrained
*while all that is drying do the netti pot for the sinuses
*brush the teeth (flossing is at night, no time in the morning)
*get partially dressed and start the make up

Now here is a routine I struggle with. I pay big money to get good make-up and every time I go to a make up counter (with my make up on) for advice they are more than willing to help me because they think I have come in au natural. Are they kidding? Anyway, here's my makeup habits:
*apply under eye corrector (pinkish tones for corrector - did you know? Just imparting important tips) Keep applying thin layers until the under eye is no longer dark. In my case that happens to be an entire jar, so I have conceded that one to two layers will suffice. So if you see me and think that the circles under my eyes are dark, imagine what they REALLY are....
*apply a few dabs of concealer that match your skin tone on top of the corrector
*apply foundation
*apply a light dusting of powder over the under eye concealer to "set" it - another tip, you must wait a minute or two for the concealer to dry (I can't believe I know this stuff)
*apply eye shadow and not one, but two shades - a light shade for the base and up to the eyebrow and a darker shade for the lid
*apply mascara - and when applying eye liner (do this prior to the mascara) - and as we age, just a thin line above the lid, this raises the eye up, so as not to drag us down
* apply blush, again as we age....creams are good. Remember it's all about MOISTURE!

There THAT was makeup and guess what, I haven't even done the hair yet!

So now blow dry the hair just until almost dry. Then get out the long pins, section off the hair and start blowdrying sections with the low flow using the brush to roll and shape. Then be sure to apply cool air to set the hair. Move on to another section and voila in about 15 minutes the hair is dry and set! Be sure to spray in that hold!

The next step is to get dressed and lord help me I hope I have thought this through in the shower, last night, or while I was drying my hair because there is no time to flail through the closet looking and searching for the "right" outfit.

Now, IF, I am not distracted I have gotten through that morning routine in approximately a short 60 minutes. This means, no looking at the internet, answering the phone, making a lunch, lounging, doing laundry, day dreaming, tweezing my eyebrows (a night routine), reading the paper, reading a book, making a list, absolutely NO diversions. I'm going to have to retire just to have time to get ready. It seems each year I add one more "beauty" trick to my repertoire thus stretching the morning until it's almost noon before I'm ready. (I know this to be true because every fake retirement summer it works out exactly in this way.)

And my night routine is just as bad. You'd think removing make up would be simpler, but remember there are all these creams for under the eyes, serums before moisturizers and that's just the face. The feet demand attention in their states of dehydration too. Oh, then there are the lips. It seems these all have to be kept by the bed...lip balm, foot balm, hand balm, nail treatment...Am I really here? In college I owned one bottle of Noexema cream. ONE!

I really am a victim of advertising. In an effort to look younger I'm aging myself by my stupid "beauty" routines and it's inevitable, I am going to get older! I am going to look older! I am older, each second! Do you think that maybe I'm having a little difficulty accepting the reality of it all?