Writing Club Today

And here is what I am sharing -

Things I Know Now, Why Didn’t I Know it Then?

I know now that parenting is a labor of love and joy and grief and worry. For not one moment is my life not affected by the labor of birth. It’s not the actual birth, it’s the result of birth. The pride, the wonderment, the awe. I wish I had known how deeply my love for my children would permeate and guide my life. Not for moments to be changed, but perhaps I would have measured my time differently, choosing a more lingering touch, more lasting words.

I know now that work is work, not meant to be a self-indulged ride. Work can be passionate and fulfilling, but there will be parameters and restrictions and barriers to strategize or accept. I didn’t know the torment it could cause. The sleepless nights wondering why or how to overcome or how acceptance of what is would change me. I didn’t know that it really doesn’t matter. It’s just work.

I know now that standing up for oneself is not only a right, but a self-preserving act. 'Yes' isn’t always the nicest word to use. It may please you and others in the moment, but soon it erodes within. Sometimes a 'no' or a refusal or a rebuttal may not be accepted, but they inspire growth and strength and character. These are the moments defining the intricacies of our path.

I know now that exercise and healthy eating are not for the weak, but for the determined, the disciplined. A young body lives in an uncluttered, pristine world and each passing year changes the composition. Sometimes, too late, comes the call to repair the damage of arrogance and neglect. At other times the beat is heard in time and the wonder of salvation resurges and grows.

I know now that marriage is more compromise than independent action. I know the clichés of marriage and can laugh at their young appeal. Marriage is work, marriage is comfort and marriage is not forever; treat it with care.

I know now that acceptance is hard. Straight hair will never be curly. Distance is painful when your children grow and fly. Apologies can be accepted, but to erase the impact is tenacious. The words and actions of life are more muddy than clear and to accept this fact requires a perseverance from deep within.

I know now that life has an end. It’s not elusive or so much farther down the road it can never be reached. Death dangles in the present every day. It waits. It can sweep in silently or with a roar or swiftly pass by, nudging a soft reminder.

Would I have lived a different life if I knew then what I know now? Perhaps or again not. Life has its pattern of growth, with branches and trails curving in every direction. Each decision, each choice leads us away or into a sometimes shallow depth, where we can catch ourselves and self-correct. Or we are lead to a depth that will take much searching and learning before we escape. It doesn’t really matter when we knew, but to know, at any point in time, is the truth of the lesson.