Frustration with clutter

 that I create.

I hate it when this 'stuff' sits around on my end tables. And the worst part is that I create it. I want the magazine 'clean of clutter' look, which means I can't multi-task.

Examine the photo -

To the left is my orange PT band.
I have to put it somewhere and I like to have it convenient, because I do the exercises while I watch tv, but if it doesn't belong on this end table where do I put it? A drawer? Hang in a closet? It really doesn't have a place.

Then I have my coffee/tea mug. Of course I will put it away, but it creates more clutter.

To the right of my mug is an emery board, polish and lotion. Another task I do while I watch tv. But it's a pain, to get it out and then put it away. I wish I could just leave it there all the time. (Well, I could, but it would look like...)

Then do you see the empty jar? I can't even remember why I had that there. It may have been holding something. Obviously it had to go to recycle. Which is just one more thing for me to remember to do because if I don't it will sit there and sit there and sit there.

The scissors and the turquoise envelope are there from another task I was doing. The envelope is still sitting here as I write. I haven't finished it or moved it.

Santa is out for the month. Then I'll put him away.

I just hate clutter. I want to take a wide sweep with my hand and put all the junk on my shelves and tables and in my drawers and dump them. But I know myself so well that I would go out and buy more 'stuff' to fill the void. It's not that I think clutter makes a home, but some artifacts of a life lived do.

However I do want to eliminate some clutter and I want to be strong about it. When I look at some items I think "oh, I paid....." or "maybe I will use that again" or "I remember when" and then I keep them and I don't use them nor do I look at them again until I want to de-clutter.

Really? Will I ever use it again? NO. Is it valuable NO, of museum quality? NO

So WHY WHY WHY do we hang on to stuff?????

I know sometimes I hang on to stuff even though I hate it or am tired of it, but I can't afford to replace it yet. However most of my stuff just hangs around because I choose to ignore it. And then I see something like this little pink pig that your baby made so carefully and thoughtfully and with the greatest intent, can you really get rid of it?

No quite yet. Even though that baby is 32 and I never use this or even have it sitting out, it reminds me of a wonderful life at a wonderful time. I can imagine her making it and I can imagine her joy giving it to me. It's a good moment.

Maybe that's what retirement is all about, the struggle to decide what to keep and what goes. Maybe it's the search for the 'light' at the end of the closet. Maybe it's the job we always keep ahead of us, so we always have a goal for our day, even though it is easily set aside.

Maybe it's not always clutter, maybe it's life reminders.

Maybe it's just plain living.