Uber Ride #2

This ride has perhaps been the most profound and thought provoking conversation I've had with an adult in a very long time. It's a conversation one doesn't usually have with a stranger. And maybe it really wasn't a conversation as I nor my husband did much talking, but it affected us both deeply.

I will do my best to represent the conversation from memory; it is not told in chronological order, but I've tried to retell it in this fashion as it makes most sense. It happened in Denver on our way to the airport. Again, I started the conversation by asking how long he had driven for Uber -

I've only driven for a few months. I'm in an in-between place right now in my life. I've recently severed a relationship with a woman, at least I think I have. I'm vacillating. Do I pursue this relationship, uncertain of the outcome or do I tell myself to move on? I also have an autistic daughter and her care and our relationship weighs heavily. 

So I'm 60 years old and I'm walking by a culinary institute and I walk in and I'm thinking I'm going to sign up for a class. An adult class, you know, make a tomato sauce, while having a glass of wine. Only to find out they do not have such individual classes, but instead only have the actual, real course to learn to be a chef. Who knows what I was thinking, but I signed up.

I am way, way out of my league. By thirty years I am the oldest in the class. And I am the most inexperienced. In fact I'm the only one with NO experience. I clearly stand out. The instructor has come to me several times and indicated he knows I am struggling.

Mostly we work in teams and I'm always the runner, not even the sous chef. The kids all know my lack of expertise. I'm not fooling anyone.

Now here's my dilemma. Saturday is the final exam. We will be required to prepare a sauce, solo, under a time limit. I KNOW I am going to fail. The instructor knows I am going to fail. The class knows I am going to fail. So do I go, knowing the outcome? Do I swallow my pride and go and take the test and be embarrassed at my lack of skill? Or do I forgo the test knowing I have learned some terrific skills and gained a great set of knives? Do I persevere or call it quits?

It is as this point her poses the question to us: What would you do? And he thoughtfully listened to our answers.

My husband said he would take the test. He had committed to the class. He had paid the money, He would swallow his pride and go for it.

I responded the opposite. At this point in my life, if I knew there was no chance I would get the certificate at the end and I never really wanted to work as a chef, but had basically taken the class to increase my own skills and interests I would not humiliate myself (a word he used several times) and I would chalk it up to knowledge gained.

We didn't really help him, but my husband and I both felt we had had a conversation of a lifetime. He posed a really good question, when do you persevere and when do you just step back?

This driver was obviously in some turmoil personally. We talked about him almost the entire trip. I think he was having difficulty deciding when to stay (in his relationship and in this class) and when to go. I felt once he reached a conclusion in one he would find an answer in the other.

But just a what point do you stop and say I don't have to continue this torture? When is it ok to say, enough? Just because you paid money for a class, does it mean you have to stay? Just because you signed up does that mean committed for how long?

It's a situation that applies to all of us at every age. 

As a parent, if you sign your child up for a class and they hate it can they quit? Do they get to decide at the age of 4 or 10 or 16 or ever? Does it matter how much you paid or how long the course runs or do they get to indicate their preference, their understanding of their self at this time in their life?

And as an adult, are we noncommittal or cowards if we know our selves and drop out of something? Are we stupid if we follow through and are miserable, knowing we are wasting our precious time?

Truly he impacted us.

I wish I had known what he decided to do. My guess is he would take the final.