Quiet by Susan Cain

I just finished reading Quiet by Susan Cain for our Book Club. I was excited to read it because I was hoping for some insight into my own personality. I was extremely shy as a child. I never raised my hand in school. I know I hid behind my mother when introduced to others. I didn't like new situations. Yet, at home I was quite boisterous.

When I graduated from high school I made a vow to myself that I would overcome the shyness that had labeled and plagued me my entire school years. When you grow up in a small town and go to school with the same kids year after year, labeling happens rather quickly and permanently.

So my freshman year of college I said hello to everyone I passed on campus. The cute boys, the nerd boys, the cheerleader girls, the goth girls. I said hello to them all. what I was really practicing was rejection. When the other person did not say hello I worked on handling that rejection. It may appear to be nothing, but to a shy individual it was a big deal.

I overcame that shyness and those who have known me as an adult would never believe my past. And in Cain's book I discovered why.

We are genetically predisposed to being introvert or extrovert and our personalities are like rubber bands and can expand to specific situations. However they can only expand so far and when they reach that breaking point they do crack.

For example an introvert can be a salesperson or work with people all day long, but when she comes home she wants quiet and space and not have to carry on or lead a conversation with a spouse or neighbor.

So I had learned to expand my personality. And even though I may appear social I do like and crave my quiet time.

The book was 270 pages and probably could have been summarized in about 50. But basically I learned that we need to recognize the importance of introverts. Society seems to value the extrovert personality, but possibly our best and most creative ideas come from the introverts. (Bill Gates, Steve Wozniak)

As parents, as teachers, as spouses, as friends, we need to acknowledge and value that someone may be an introvert and not push for an extrovert behavior. Colleagues may need alone time vs team building brainstorming. A child may not want to be involved in an activity every night. The spouse may need alone time. A student may choose to work alone.

I can't say that anything Cain related was profound, she did have a great deal of research to back her writing, but most importantly it was comforting. We need to recognize who we are and create that space for our personality type.