What Lies Ahead

There is a difference between a Nursing Home and Assisted Living. I’ve discovered it’s the residents.

My dad is in an Assisted Living Facility either for a month or two or maybe forever; that remains to be seen. In the meanwhile as we all make this transition, and it does create a new mindset whether short or long term, I am enjoying my visits at the “boy’ table.

The men are funny. It’s because they are still lucid, able to walk and think for themselves, unlike at a Nursing Home with so much resident dependency.

I never know what to expect because I don’t really know these men yet. I don’t know their conversation capability.

Yesterday our table was missing two men. One was my NASA guy, whom I have discovered is ‘Tom”. The other man missing was ‘Ed’. When I asked what Ed’s last name was, thinking on the off chance I may know him my dad shrugged his shoulders. I repeated the question to Pete and he said, “I don’t know. George (the third “boy” at the table) what is Ed’s last name?” And George said, “I haven’t a clue. His name is just Ed.”

That brought a chuckle to us all and a realization for me that they don’t care about all that background stuff any more. They just accept him as he is. In a way isn’t that so refreshing?

Then they were talking about waking up at 4 am. I know that breakfast is to be served between 6 and 8 an my dad has discovered that if he gets there by 7:30 most have eaten already. He thinks everyone arrives by 6. Well he must be correct based on today’s information. George commented that his “darn watch, when I push the stem to light it I often read it wrong, so today I thought it was later and I got up at 4 am.”

Pete laughed and agreed. He misread his clock, woke up at 4,thought it was 6, dressed and then realized he was two hours early. “Oh, well, at least I made it up.”

So I asked if they awoke that early what time did they go to bed? Quickly George responded, “What time of the day are we talking?” And he chuckled merrily at his own joke.

He also told that he had received the Reader’s Digest today and was so excited. He pinched his fingers to show us how thick it was and that he would read just a little each day and we both said simultaneously, “to make it last”. It sort of broke my heart.

They check their mailboxes just like we did in college, waiting and hoping for something interesting to arrive. You can sense the disappointment when they receive nothing.

The highlight of their day is meals and yet there isn’t a great deal of conversation going on, especially at the “girl” tables. The boys seem a little more talkative, which is odd. It’s kind of sad to watch them all eat in silence with their own thoughts. Maybe they are kind of sick of seeing each other and really, what is there to talk about? They don’t get out and about much, even though they can.

They do like to watch tv and really what else is there? And the boys seem to watch Gunsmoke and Andy Griffin reruns. They just don’t like the new shows. And it doesn’t seem too likely American Idol would appeal to this crowd.Which makes me think what reruns will we be watching? Idol? Housewives? Big Bang Theory?

Then my dad pointed out a lady who lives in the room next to his that is complaining that his tv is too loud. I laughed and said to her, "Is my dad's tv too loud?" (And of course I knew the answer.)

She replied, "Do you want the truth?" I smiled. I said, "He doesn't think he has a hearing problem." She smiled, "No I don't have a hearing problem. But I don't want to complain."

When we returned to his room my dad turned on his tv and said, "See, is this too loud?" As I shouted over all the volume I said, "Perhaps, just a little." And he shook his head.

Oh, this is all so interesting and rather safe for me to observe now, and I don’t dare let my mind go forward. It could be so depressing.