Here's a Story

of three best friends, starting in elementary and stopping before High School.

All three girls are kind, friendly, caring children of average intelligence. They exude enthusiasm and warmth. They are thought of highly by everyone in the school.

Girl A comes from a two parent home. Her dad has a job in the trades, her mom is an educator. She has one sibling.

Girl B comes from a two parent home, until fifth grade, when they divorce. Her dad has a job in the trades, her mom has an office job. She has one sibling. Her parents co-parent until she is in seventh grade. At this time her older sister is being stalked by a boyfriend and her mother takes the girls and moves out of state.

Girl C comes from a two parent home. The parents have jobs, but not always consistently. They don't own a home, they rent. She has three siblings. I'm not sure her parents had a high school education.

So why this story? It just makes my point about how critical family is in creating a proper environment for children's growth, in a positive way.

These three girls are now out of high school. So where are they now? What has happened?

When Girl B moved away Girls A and C kept in touch for a while. Summers they traveled back and forth to see each other, but at some point in their freshman year of high school their friendship waned. In fact Girl A and C no longer hung out together.

Girl B's sibling got into drugs and got pregnant. It really created havoc in their family life. I'm not saying this caused a change in Girl B, but she did change. She was no longer as sweet and innocent as she had once been. She was confused and had a hard time finding her way. Hopefully now, as a member of the military, she is on the right path.

Girl C took an extra year to graduate from high school. Soon after she married her high school sweetheart, who is in the military, and she is a military wife.

Girl A, who came from the continuously stable two parent home, is in college and doing well. She's excited about her major and her future.

So, why tell this story? It became so blatantly clear to me about the core, the foundation of family and its importance in the stability of our children.

Girl A, who came from the most stable home, is on a path we would all recognize and expect. She could just as easily be an exception. However I bet somewhere there are studies that show that odds are in her favor that she will turn out just fine.

Girl B was on that path until her parents divorced and her older sibling went astray. Just imagine how that created an upheaval in everyone's life. Someone, Girl B, gets ignored when all the attention has to be given to a child in crisis. And who knows what goes on in the mind of a teen when there is no stability or someone to be there and talk to.

Girl C was going to have to break out of her family cycle to make a huge shift. Peers alone couldn't do it, even though in elementary that's the way she was headed. It was too much, she wasn't strong enough.

All three girls are loved by their families. All three girls had a good start. All three girls are headed in different directions and you hope with good outcomes for each.

It breaks my heart when I see children suffering from circumstances they did not create. As teachers we see it every day. At some point our country needs to recognize the impact of family on a child's education. It's not always the fault of the teacher or the curriculum or the school. Sometimes the family has to take some responsibility. Sometimes our country has to acknowledge the importance of family. We could use better parental leave. More family vacation time. Release time allowed to attend conferences. Accessible daycare for every employee. And on and on and on.

I know the budget can be adjusted for such matters. It just has to be recognized as a priority.