I just learned something

about myself yesterday.

I know, I know, I think I should have already known this, but I didn't.

Partly because it is about the 'me' in retirement and I haven't been in that mode for that long. (My current excuse)

I keep thinking I need a part time job. I keep thinking a little extra money would be nice, but it is more about getting out and being about 'something'.

I don't want to sub. Just the thought of managing the behavior of children again, large groups anyway, almost takes me to very dark spaces.

Then when I contemplate what do I want to do, here is my dilemma. I feel like I should make good use of my degrees and skills and do something profound or at least challenging to the brain. I do worry about not keeping those brain cells lubed.

And when push comes right down to shove, I am balking. I don't want to be on the ground floor of some new idea and be the mover and the shaker. I don't want to be creative. I don't want to be profound.

I think I have been there and done that.

My education and skills were put to great use for 30 years.

I was creative. 

I was resourceful. 

I was full of energy. 

I was tired. 

I was exhausted. 

I am fried.

I realize that I just want to rest. At least a little more. And if I want a job I want it to be simple. I want it to be with people. I want it to be pleasurable. Like I would like to work in a gift shop. People are pleasant in gift shops. And my task would be easy. You either buy or you don't. Done. 

I don't want to do it every day. I don't even have to work every week. Just once in a while. Just to be part of the working world, I think. I'm not even sure about this, but I do know that when I am faced with the possibility of working on a regular schedule I freak out.

Maybe I've said this before but my great idea (so maybe I have been working a little bit on creativity) is to have retirees job share. In this manner the job gets done, but there is great flexibility. I haven't been presented with an opportunity to toot my horn on this phenomenal thought, but when I do, I am ready.

So for now I am going to be content with what I am doing. I like my life. My time to do yoga. My volunteering. My going to see granddaughters.

 It is all I need. 

For now.